Check List For Men Having A Baby – 10 Rules For Men To Follow

(C) J L Hardee

(C) J L Hardee

Guys if you are having your first baby and you haven’t been through a delivery process, you need to check this out. Here’s a list of things for you to do. A check list if you will…

1st of All – Remember Labor is/can be a long process. Come prepared!

1. Pack yourself a bag. She won’t need one. The baby won’t need one. The hospital will give you a bag full of goodies and clothes for the baby. So, pack clothes for you and maybe one outfit for the baby to take pictures in. Mom will be wearing a gown the entire time and can put on the same clothes she came in with.

2. Pack yourself something to do. If you think for one second that your wife is going to let you control the TV while she is in Labor, you have lost your mind. Pack a laptop, games, books, and ear phones (if you can get away with it, so you can tune her out, if needed of course).

3. Pack some food and snacks. Bring a Cooler. Hospital food usually sucks!

4. Don’t just hope and pray that your wife takes the drugs. Insist that she does, unless medically prohibited. It’s in your best interest for her to take drugs. The less pain she feels, the less pain you will feel. If you fail at this advice — Bring some padding and if you can, trim her finger nails, cause it’s gonna hurt when she digs into your arm.

5. Don’t forget to set the camera up in a corner away. They may try to tell you that you can’t film it, but I filmed all of mine. Don’t ask, just set it up inconspicuously. Get it set up and ready to turn on. Cause when the Nurse says its time, you may forget it. Don’t try to hold the camera yourself. If you are smart, you will be at your wife’s side. Which leads to the next rule…

6. Don’t watch the baby being born. I was a paramedic and I’ve seen more than my share of baby’s delivered just doing clinicals. It’s suppose to be a special moment and it is, but it’s also a very bloody and traumatizing site for those that may have a weak stomach. Don’t even let that be the reason not to watch… I have a few reasons for you not to watch:

A. You eat there. You don’t want to see that coming from a place you eat.

B. After seeing something the size of a basketball come out of your woman, you are going to realize just how small you are and she’s been faking it all these years.  Better not to watch how far that opens.

C. Blood and slime isn’t the only thing that can pop out. I have seen, and I won’t name who, a woman poop when delivering a baby. It splattered all over the doctor. The smell hits you, there went your lunch and all the special thoughts you had of your new baby. Stay at mom’s head and you may be a safe distance away.

7. When the baby comes, if you failed to let mom eat before the delivery, (I suggest you feed her) then you need to go get her some food. She’ll thank you!

8. After you have taken some pix of you with the baby. Take a break now. Let the grandparents watch the baby. You will have all the time you want at it.

9. You will be there a day or so after the baby is born. Get some sleep while you can. Let the nurses take care of the baby, while you have that option. You’ll be begging for them for the next few months when the baby wakes up every 2 hours.

10. When you leave the hospital, break the ice. You can’t break the kids. Take the new baby out to eat. Get it over with. Take mom and the grandparents out to a nice dinner and if you’re lucky someone else will offer to pay.

If you follow these rules, you will have a lot happier experience welcoming your new baby. Good Luck Gents. I have four and counting.

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